Today theme song is Crush by Sandeul (B1A4). I was crying, then suddenly the melody of this song came to my mind. Actually I couldn't recall the right tone, I even couldn't recall the singer. I was thinking that it was FT Island song. But when I tried to remember Hong Ki's voice character, I knew that I was wrong. After some times, finally I remember that it was B1A4 song. Then, I searched for the lyric and translation. When I read the lyric, I could sing it well. I could remember them all. And then I read the translation (which I posted before)....
"It's been so long. Me, liking you and you never know." Nah, I already confessed my feeling. But, to be honest, I didn't really know what kind of feeling it was. Is it love for a friend, or for a man? But I still told him that I love him. And actually, I gradually retreat step by step because I knew well that he will never return my feeling back. First, he already have a girlfriend. Second, I knew he loves her so much and not the type who can cheat or love someone else. He is so hard to be chased, so I decided to stay as his best friend like always.
I hate him. Why? Because he showered me with much of affection and caring. He even don't want me to disappear. He said that I SHOULD be by his side forever. Nah, you can see how possesive he is, right? lol. I do like the time we spend together, but it seemed that he needs me more than I need him. And he admitted it. Sometimes those kind of things pissed me off. I wish that he finally have a feeling for me though just a little amount. I even ever thought that maybe he started to be confused with his own feeling. But I'm wrong.
"Even I’m talking with people, but I still think of you all day." So true! I tried to talk to others so I could at least forget him for awhile or at least I didn't put too much feeling in our conversation. But no matter how much I tried, I couldn't. I found it so hard to talk to others. I'm bad on starting conversation, and I thought that the conversation is inbalance. Like... I was the one who always tried to enlight it. I was so tired back then. Then slowly I couldn't continue my talk with others anymore. But with him, even it is a very simple stuff or maybe nothing, we could make a nice, fun, and interactive conversation. That's why I always think to treasure him as my best friend as long as possible. It's hard to find someone you comfortable to talk, right?
"Because I love you so much,
Because I like you so much,
Please don’t turn away
Please accept my heart
I’ll make you happy forever
I want to be with you
Can’t you just come to me"
That was my wish. But now, I didn't wish it anymore. It's enough if he would stay by my side as my best friend. What I need isn't his love, but his caring and his existence. That's all. But seemed I can't even make him as my best friend anymore.
Why? Well, I'll tell in my next theme song.